she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
