yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
