someone owes me an orgasm
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
