I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
