i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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