If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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