you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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