this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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