I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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