Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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