id be glad to
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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