The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
