so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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