my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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