***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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