Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
