sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
