I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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