Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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