Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
