I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
