Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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