Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My bed smells like the plague
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
