Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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