I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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