Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
