Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
