I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
