dude i'm inner monologue high
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
