what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
