she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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