Betty ford says i'm here all night
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
