just tell him i said nine months
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
