You're my little dorito
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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