he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
