someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
