so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Bring me that man meat
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
