Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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