now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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