Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
