Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
