maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
