After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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