'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
