omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
