your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
