But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
