woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
