and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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