I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
