thus making me awesome and them whores
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
soo... how was my night?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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