my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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