Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Help. Why am I so naked?
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